Gone

How come no one ever stays?

In some case it is God who wants them, that I can kind of understand. I mean, when God calls someone to go, go, when God wants someone to go spend eternity with Him, fine, I will not like it at the time but after a few days I will deal.

What about the other ones? What about the one who spends his whole life in the church, professing his faith for God, then one day wakes up and just decides that he has spent the past years of his life worshiping a lie? What about when this kid is your best friend, who you go to for fellowship and to spiritually grow and learn of the Lord together. When that is taken away, how do you march on?

What about the girl, the first one that you ever love. The one who at night you dream of them and smile, the one who for every waking moment you wonder why you made the mistake of leaving her and running away to some little town in Kansas, just because it is where you always said you would go? What about when this girl professes her love for you, but can not wait for you? When she tells you she loves you, but she can not wait fifty four days until you are back home, even though she knows she is going to regret it. Does this make love a lie? or the girl that I love a liar?

Where do I go? When do things get better? When will life be happy? Should I just destroy my faith in humanity now so I do not waste my lifetime? Should I run away and wonder in the wilderness for my answers? Should I stay here or transfer to Vennard? Should I pray more? Should I read more? Should I take my schoolwork more seriously? Should I go to church tomorrow? Should I have the fries or the tator tots with my burger? Should I quit asking questions?

I do not want to sleep, because I do not want to dream, I do not want to think, I do not want to eat. Right now, it takes a lot to just let breath go through my body because every moment it hurts.

Bitches are bitches, where is the bonfire?