The Church

If you are what the Church looks like, then its no wonder why my generation is fleeing. I have spent years of my life saying I could not wait to get a job and work for the Church, and now this summer. I have had my eyes open, I see what people have made you become. So often you tear down, you rip us apart, tell us we aren't good enough for God. Those Quakers out east who don't even know God still treat His people better then you. You have to get your head on right otherwise the congregations will dwindle, the work will change. And at this point, it sure seems like God wouldn't want me to be with you.

Judas

There has been something that has bothered me for awhile now, I have been filled with questions about Judas. Now, I know that it had to happen the way it happened, Jesus had to be betrayed to fulfill the prophecies of the Messiah, but on the other hand, since Jesus was perfect? How could he have failed someone like that? I mean, because of what happened Judas took his own life, so wouldn't that mean Jesus failed him? Jesus failed to mentor this man to live the right way?

I have had these thoughts for awhile and then I saw a Discovery special about some writings that arose later that were called "The Secret Gospel of Judas". I thought that maybe that was the answer to the question. It made sense to me that Jesus would ask Judas to make that sacrifice and then it just tore Judas up. It just made more sense to me that Jesus would ask Judas to give this up, to betray the one he loved and served. If that were true, then Jesus wouldn't have failed, and the feelings would have been just as real when Judas betrayed Him. Imagine having someone turning you over to die who didn't want to do it but had to and how hard that would be for them? I studied these writings further, however, and I feel like they are crap so far. I may delve further into them as I struggle to answer the question, because if Jesus was perfect, then how did he fail?

Greatness

I have been struggling a lot lately with inadequacy. I have never been the best at anything, no matter how much I love it. A prime example is basketball, in high school, I played more in the offseason then anyone else. I worked on every aspect, learned anything I could to make myself better and yet at the end of my senior season, there I was, sitting on the bench watching others play, others who I had worked so much harder than at the sport I loved so much more.

The disciples only got momentary glances at greatness. When Jesus took three of them up to the mountain and they saw the transfiguration, for a moment they experienced greatness. But they had to go back down. It is not our greatness in which we prove ourselves. It is not the mountains, but the valleys in which we test our mettle.

Where do I come from.

I come from a family where I have everything I need to do what I want to do. I was raised in a Christian home where my mom was a pastor and my dad had the job that I one day want to have. And this seems to go against everything I read and understand about what I am supposed to do. David was a shepard who became king, the disciples were mostly barely religious men turned to Christ, and me, I have everything. Doesn't that make me the unqualified one to follow this calling?

So..

Its about giving blessings. If I do not continue to give the blessings I receive I can not enlarge other peoples horizons

Where oh where...

I really don't know if I have gone anywhere this week in my walk. I am at one of those stand still spots. The thing about standstill spots though is that when you are done with it and move on you can see the progress you made.

Some good, some bad, but all worthwhile.

Well, it has been a crazy August, full of lots of things, from freak hailstorms to girl problems to fun fights with family. And I am definitely ready for September to start. My mom asked me yesterday how things were going, and I responded with "Interestingly." She took it to mean good, and I explained some of it was good, some was bad, but I knew all of it would be worthwhile.

September will hopefully have more of the good life then the good growing experiences, because I am ready for some happy fun times.